
Warning: This post is going to be unusually long and maybe even pointless. I am writing it for myself to look back in and believe that 'life is what happens when we are busy making other plans'.
Two days back(Thursday) I got my driving license. I am yet to receive the card which would define my identity in this country in the coming years.Till now, it had been a page in my passport which was named a non immigrant dependent visa which in all its practical sense means nothing much. For a person who have lived all her(his)years doing her own thing and pretty much being good at it, I would recommend coming to US on a dependent Visa and live a solid year to be grounded on how to not lose your self respect while viling away your life.Well, till you go through it you would never estimate the importance of silly nuances of identity crisises.Well, considering even the mighty Shahrukh Khan had to endure a security check somehow soothes my soul and even more underscores what I learnt in the past 10 months living in this alien yet wonderful country.So here is my story of ten months of a gut wrenching roller coaster ride of life.
Before getting married, we had planned a course of action which involved me applying to Universities for higher education-Selecting the best one from the choices we have based on location,ranking of the University and course,job market for my better half.(Oh.By the way, he had almost quit the project he was working on in Reno because I wanted to do my education from one of the best places and Reno was well,not anywhere near it.More about Reno in a later post. And yes, he is a darling to do that.Ofcourse, thats why I married him.)So there it was.As always, the neurotic planner in me complete with a gazillion planners and organizers had planned out step by step process of my life's direction. And as planned, I applied for Policy studies/Development Studies/Global Policy studies in diffferent Universities. My strategy is quite akin to what most of the graduate students from India do-2 dream Universities(read best Ivy leagues),3 great Universities(Read top 10) and 1 not so bad University,but not good enough (Read in top 25,but is just a buffer because of location preference).And well, thank my lucky stars, I got into all of them where I applied. And I was thrilled to the core.Not just because of getting the admits,but also because that the entire process of applying ,writing SOP's and contacting professors was a nightmare which I would never ever want to relive.
Our first set back came with the date of the wedding.It had to be done in September because of unavoidable logistics issues which also meant that I would not be able to join classes in Fall 2008(classes beginning end of August).So naturally, I applied for deferring admits to Spring and had just one University doing that. I was devastated because that meant I will have to be at home for atleast 6 months time and for someone who has never really sat at home jobless, it was unthinkable. It also meant I wouldnt be able to take a F1 (student) Visa as I planned.I honestly thought the universe is conspiring against me to off set my happiness with my 'only' wedding.Well, I was deeply wrong. It was just a sample ride in the least scary childrens ride of the amusement park.
The best part was I couldnt really decide where to join.And Ivy leagues have this knack of luring students especially International students with their 'Oh so great name' and zero scholarships.And to add to the agony, my boss was a graduate from that specific school and was all heart in me taking it up.Well, money won over prestige and I 'declined' the admit with a heavy heart and tried to zero in on the next best schools. And again, I started planning with all my might. We were set to go to US a month after our wedding and we can shift as soon as we can to the locale of the University where I want to attend to and he can get a working project there and I can convert to student Visa. And for those of you who is thinking, that sounds improbable.Trust me, it was fool proof in any way you looked at it.
That was till, Recession hit as a global monster.
I think I have an affinity towards disasters.My colleagues in Tsunami work team used to call me Tsunami baby just because my birthdate falls on the unfortunate day when it hit.Recession was a Tsunami for us, two newly weds whose world just went upside down in matter of days. It definitely was not one of the best experiences of landing in a totally alien country with no friends or relatives around in the boiling heat of recession.It was almost like-I set foot in US and the US economy tumbled down like a tower of cards. Quite an ego burst for a newly wed bride!.
That changed our lives which Im sure like so many others-rich and poor alike.These things which you read in newspapers are just 'general knowledge' and statistics till you become one of those. Sibz didnt technically lose his job-but being out of a project virtually meant that. So we were in our first newly wed months where we wondered and woke up everyday with anxiety and fear of not knowing what next.And those who dont have the habit of saving money in the plush of your financial years, I strongly advice to do so;because in these days, you never know what will happen for sure. Yes, thats what we did. We survived on savings. And needless to say, my college plans naturally took a back seat. Getting a job was what both of us had to think of day and night. SInce I was on H4 which meant I am ineligible to apply, we had to concentrate on the only probable bread winner of the family with the 'H1B'. And in those days (even now) when people were being sent off home with their H1B s cancelled, we were lucky enough to have retained it and transferred it to the right company at the right time. We were hoping to get into the project which my better half sacrificed for me to go for future studies in Reno itself. He was offered the project before our wedding with a substantial pay hike and he had said NO to it before coming to India for the wedding. Most of the first month went in trying to get it and feeding our hopes onto it. But as Murphy would have it, they were scared of the economy and refused to take on an additional expense on their balance sheets. So we were left to the mercy of market forces.Those were the days of checking every financial column of every source to see even an inkling of a positive turn over in the economy; which ofcourse didnt happen at all.
While my hubby was busy searching for jobs, I quite didnt know what to do. That was the first time in my life, my plans had mercilessly abandoned me.And for an organizing freak like me, that was pure trauma. I could see reins of my life slipping away from my hands and not being able to do anything was what frustrated me the most.Without the security of one of us having a job, it was pointless to embark on a college education which also meant that I wont be able to join classes for Spring semester as we planned. And the prude in me didnt want to share it with anyone fearing the judgment and prejudice I 'might' possibly have gotten. But thankfully, both our families and a set of close friends stood by us.Bless their souls.
Finally at some point of time I reconciled to the fact that there is nothing I can do about it and to go with the flow. After an excruciating wait of almost 5 months, Sibz got 2 offers at the same time.(Can you even believe after all that time, we had a choice of choosing where to go) Memphis and Texas. We were thrilled.Going to Texas meant I could join my No.2 choice of University and even have the buffer of my last choice university with a large chunk of scholarship. So after shifting two homes in Reno itself we embarked on our journey to the new land.We chose Texas for obvious reasons and was accomodated by a friends family who was kind enough to give us board and space till we could find our own place. We were there for almost a month.They didnt have to really do it.But they did it and again I dont know whom to thank for such goodness which comes randomly in your lives.(Or is it random?)
So we thought finally our troubles are going to end.Sibz s office had a corollary in the locale of my no.2 choice University and we assumed we could move there in the course of time and I could ofcourse join there and we could be together. But well, there was no happy ending like that. For reasons still beyond my comprehension the University decided not to defer my admission and dont give me admission at all i.e when I still had the admits from Ivy leagues which were much much better than this one. That sure broke my pride.I was hurt and defeated. I kept thinking over and over again, why would such a thing happen?.Nobody has denied admission to me ever.Well, sometimes failure has its wicked way on sneaking in ways you least expect. I had never thought of myself as a particularly 'competitive' person. And it was time for self recollection.
And those times got me thinking. I wanted something to occupy my mind so badly.Worse comes worse,I could always join my last choice of University which was even in the same State and they were offering me a substantial amount of scholarship.But somehow, my heart was not into it anymore.Between apartment and furniture hunting and setting up a new apartment, I still needed that certain one thing to keep me assured that I have not become obsolete.And I remembered my co worker in Assam who was preparing for his LSATs(Law school admission test in US) and I figured out thats the kind of mental stimulation I needed right then. I had always wanted to do law. I almost would have.But between the compromise between my mom and me of me not pursuing medicine and choosing my own field, there was a slight catch-I shouldnt do Law because for some reason she believed 'girls' who did law didnt get good marriage alliances. Weird, huh?But well, I surrendered to it mostly because I was getting to do what I liked to do and was not being forced into something which i dint want to pursue. So coming back to where I was, I couldnt simply do LSAT just for the heck of it.I shopped around, but most of the Universities had their deadlines over and out. And finally, I checked University of Houston which is the nearest University I could ever get. And' coincidentally', they had their part time admission deadline up in just another month.That meant I could actually apply and take the test in June and pray for the best. LSAT is quite a competitive test and its not at all wise to take it with just a months preparation.But I did just that.And for the first time in my life, I loved studying for a standardized test.I almost felt the test was personalized for me.It had all the test elements which I loved doing or is naturally good at.I had my inlaws visiting over during the time of preparation and test and a lot of other things happening. But I did it. I did the test and applied to one of the top tier 1 law schools in the country hoping for a chance of redeemal. I didnt have a great LSAT score, but definitely had a 'good' one. And I hoped all the hardwork I had done with my life in the past years would help me in some way.All I could do was hope.
And one of those days, I was lazing around in the library and I get a call from the University which declined me my admit.They wanted me back. They somehow realized I was worth it and surely it was a sweet revenge because Im sure they dont do last minute corrections like that as the admissions office admitted.But, I was no longer in the mindset to join them since they were a good number of miles away from us and I had to relocate by myself there.So in the mean while I was preparing to join the last number choice of University in my list since it would also help us not to be in different places.After 4 years of long distance relationship and what we went through the first months of marriage, I didnt want to stay away from my better half. This also meant I will have to settle down with not the best but still it was one of the top 25 programs in US. But when you have always been in the best of the best, it rankles somewhere deep down.And your juniors and colleagues joining the very same Ivy leagues you had your admits in doesnt really help with your dilemma. Nopes, thats not bragging.I genuinely wished I didnt have that disability of mind.Sometimes not being the best is the sanest thing you can ever do to yourself.

But well, after all this I did finally get into law school.
So now doing a flash back, I get what James Redwood meant in Celestine Prophecy
Feeling restless? You're not alone: Everybody's starting to look for more meaning in life. Start paying closer attention to those seemingly "Chance Coincidences" - strange occurrences that feel like they were meant to happen. They are actually synchronistic events, and following them will start you on your path to spiritual truth.
If even one of those events which I lamented about didnt occur, I wouldnt be here saying this story with a light heart.It started even from
Assam.If Gabe hadnt been studying for LSAT so ardently, it wouldnt even have crossed my mind to apply it in here.I was always thinking in terms of a distance ed law course from India. Those 6 months in Reno which was so pathetic,now in hindsight looks like a marvellous honeymoon. Who gets a honeymoon in a casino town (
Reno is mini Las Vegas for old people) with friends around? And most importantly, which H4 newly wed bride had got her husband with her for 5 months at her disposal?We had a great time there with a closely knit Indian community and 'chance' meeting of people from same part of Kerala as we hail from who treated us like family. Because of them, we never felt alien and alone. We went for frequent dinner parties, invited people home and had a great time out there. We even gambled and gained a little bit of goodies from casinos.Now being in Houston where an Indian turns away when they see another one, I realize how fortunate I was to land in Reno of all places.More about Reno later in another post.It deserves another post truly.So thanks to recession for that.
All those times I cribbed I was doing nothing- I did an online creative writing course, learnt a bit of Spanish, started guitar lessons, toyed around with my new fancy camera,did a couple of freelance social projects and even co authored a book. Ofcourse, if it was not for the sword looming over my head, I could have done better. If I had taken things in a more lighthearted fashion and went with the flow, I could have enjoyed it lot more. But, now come to think of it those were some of the best days of my life. Taking life at its own sweet time without worrying about a schedule or tick marks in my organizer-it was a different experience and surprisingly truly liberating.
And today, I might have only few things to change in my resume,yet I can safely say I would not trade those days for anything else. I would not have had it in any other way given a second chance. And that thought makes me happy and seemlessly content.I am older and wiser gone through that rollercoaster ride.
And I know whatever storm I shall have to endure, 'This too shall pass'...
And thats precisely why I believe in miracles,fairies and all the good things in life!!!
So law school, here I come.I am blogging about that journey
here for any one out there who might need help with it.I sure did.And hoping some fairy would get me a cosigner for my student loans.